Margaritaville
by redbeanmochi
Summary: A series of oneshots of the team and their experiences with drunk nights at bars and the warehouse. A bit of romance in later chapters ;o Rated for the team's dirty potty mouths.
1. Cobb

A/N: I don't own any of the characters from Inception! Just a short series of oneshots about the team's drunk behavior. Enjoy!

* * *

Cobb is an angry drunk.  
After a couple of beers, he is standing up on his chair and yelling at the world. His team surrounds him at the table, giggling at his outrageousness. He is currently screaming about totems and guns.

"Totems are completely useless! I mean, really. Look at what mine has done to me. It's ruined my whole fucking life and now I'm a poor, sad man with nothing in his life but dreams," Cobb says, his voice is slurred. He has another pint of beer in his hand.

"And guns! Guns are so fucking stupid! Why can't we strangle the projections? They're such twats, it's not enough to just shoot them," he argues, flailing his arms around. The beer sloshes out of his cup and onto the floor.

"God dammit… Eames, give me more beer," Cobb demands, holding his cup out to Eames for a refill.

"I don't think that's such a good idea. Another pint and you might go so far as to say that you hate Mal, darling," Eames laughs, keeping the beer away from Cobb.

"Ya know. Now that you mention it, Mal is such a bitch. I mean, I love her an' all, but seriously? Did she really have to go jump off a fucking ledge? If she were still here, I'd have sent her straight to a sikee- sike-ee-atric award," Cobb laughs as he tries to take the jug of beer from Eames, but fails.

"You mean a psychiatric ward?" Ariadne giggles.

"That's wha I said. A sike-ee-atric award. Jesus Ariadne, I'm not dumb," he slurs as his eyes flutter. His brain is beginning to fail him.

"You, man, need to get some sleep," Yusuf suggests.

"I'm fine, whattare you talkin' bout…" Cobb mutters. His eyelids are getting heavier and heavier by the second until finally, his eyes shut and he falls face first onto the table, sending everyone, even Arthur, into a fit of laughter.

"Hey, you know what would be really fun?" Arthur asks with a large grin across his face.

"Taking that stick out of your ass? Yeah, that would be nice," Eames suggests. Arthur scowls.

"I'm just saying…" Eames mutters.

"Just grab a pen…" Arthur says, rolling his eyes.

* * *

When he wakes up in the morning, Cobb finds himself sprawled across the table in the warehouse, lying on his belly. He has a massive headache.

"What the hell happened last night…" he mutters, clutching his forehead. He hears the doors slam as the team files into the warehouse.

"You guys… What happened last night?" Cobb asks them slowly.

"Pff! I mean. Good morning, Cobb. Sleep well?" Ariadne asks, stifling a laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asks, his eyes narrowing.

"Nothing! You may want to think about washing up though, darling," Eames says with an almost straight face. Yusuf, who is normally jolly, is smiling even more this morning. Not even Arthur can contain his laughter- he is smiling from ear to ear.

"Yeah, I will…" Cobb mutters as he retreats to the bathroom.

"Wait for it…" Eames whispers, counting down on his fingers. Suddenly, they hear a piercing scream coming from the bathroom. They all laugh wildly. Cobb storms out of the bathroom and they all have to contain their laughter.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Cobb screams, pointing to his face. As it would seem, after Cobb passed out, the team grabbed a handful of magic markers and doodled on his face. When he looked into the mirror in the bathroom, he saw his face covered in shades of pink and green. They had even given him a uni-brow and a sad excuse for a black eye. Eames had even written a message on his face.

"What? There's nothing wrong with your face," Eames said, covering his mouth to conceal his smile.

"This was your idea, wasn't it?" Cobb asked, his eyes narrowing again.

"Actually… It was Arthur's," Ariadne admits.

"Ariadne!" Arthur growls. She simply purses her lips and shrugs.

"Arthur thought of it?" Cobb asks in disbelief.

"That's right," Arthur says; ready to take his punishment, but Cobb's only response is a snide, "Huh."

"What do you mean, '_huh_'?" Arthur asks.

"Nothing, nothing. Just didn't think it could be you…" Cobb mutters with a smile.

"What, you think I didn't do it?" Arthur asks, crossing his arms.

"Oh of course not! You're the most imaginative person I've ever met, it must have been you," Cobb says sarcastically. Everyone snickers, except for that is, Arthur.

"I'll have you know that I am completely capable of having fun! I am the epitome of fun!" he argues.

"Right, keep thinking that, love," Eames teases as Arthur storms off.

"Now that that's done, help me get this magic marker off of my face," Cobb orders.

"Mm… As much as we'd like to do that Cobb…" Ariadne began.

"We just wouldn't want to hurt poor Arthur by destroying his genius work," Eames finishes. Eames and Ariadne smile and leave to find Arthur, leaving Cobb with Yusuf.

"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to leave like the rest of them?" Cobb asks. Yusuf simply shrugs and runs off with the rest of them.

"Shit."


	2. Saito

A/N: Chapter 2! Saito just _loves_ to buy things...

* * *

Saito doesn't get drunk.  
But on the rare occasion that he does, he whips it out and shows everyone. _It_ being pictures of his son and daughter, not anything pertaining to phallic symbols (you dirty little scoundrels). In addition to talking about his life, Saito tends to spend as much money as he possibly can, buying everything in sight.

* * *

After the inception, Saito treated the team to a few drinks. What would have been a couple of innocent glasses of champagne soon turned into empty glasses of champagne, beer and whiskey scattered across the floor of the bar. Saito loved to buy things.

"Mr. Saito- hic- you, sir, are a shopaholic," Eames said when Saito kept insisting on buying everyone another round of drinks.

"I can't help myself! I have all this money and where am I supposed to spend it?" Saito complained.

"You are totally addicted to shopping, Saito. You definitely need help," Ariadne giggled. She was completely plastered, her words were slurred and her body was only able to be seen because it was propped up by the table she leaned on. Obviously, this was the first time she had ever been this drunk.

"Well, actually. There's something I love even more than buying things," Saito said, a large grin spreading across his face.

"Oh oh! I know what it is!" Cobb cheered, raising his hand. Cobb was significantly drunk. His whole face was red and a goofy grin was plastered to his face.

"It's his children!" he answered triumphantly.

"It is! But… how did you know, Mr. Cobb?" Saito asked.

"When we were in Limbo, the same two children were running around the place the whole time. I suspected they were your children or else why would they show up?" Cobb answered.

"Gold star for Cobb!" Eames cheered, raising his glass.

"Except I already knew he had kids," Arthur grunted. He was the least drunk of the group. A little bit tipsy, maybe. But not drunk.

"Don't ruin it for Cobb, Arthur. How did you know though?" Ariadne asked, slipping off the bar stool. She fell to the ground with a thump and giggled as she slowly tried to get up.

"Are you serious?" Arthur asked. The rest of them stared at him.

"Point man. I know everything," he said, bringing a fist to his head.

"Oh yeah!" the rest of them chorused.

"Saito, what're your kids like?" Cobb asked.

"Oh, bloody hell. They're going to have a daddy talk…" Yusuf muttered. Though he already had one too many glasses of liquor on the plane, he was still the one who raced Eames to the bar.

"Please! Spare us the pain!" Eames pleaded dramatically. Cobb and Saito glared as Saito pulled out his wallet and showed Cobb his children.

"That one's Kin," Saito said, beaming down at the picture of a tall, lean boy wearing a school uniform and a frown on his face.

"He's 14. He's frowning because I made him take this picture, but he didn't want to. He's such a stubborn boy," Saito chuckled.

"And is that your daughter?" Ariadne asked pointing to the other picture of a young girl wearing a light pink sundress with her thin black hair pulled up in pigtails and smiling like it was the Fourth of July.

"Yes. That's my little Emiko. She's 4," Saito beamed, smiling. Cobb began sliding his wallet out to show the team pictures of Phillipa and James. Suddenly, everyone turned and glared at him.

"What? Do you want to see pictures of Phillipa and James?" he asked innocently.

"They're the only pictures I've seen in the past 5 years, Cobb. Just put it away," Arthur muttered, rolling his eyes as Cobb frowned, slipping his wallet back in his pocket.

* * *

"Let's have another round of drinks!" Saito cheered, suddenly.

"Saito, how do you even have enough money to pay for all of this?" Yusuf asked.

"What, didn't I tell you?" Saito asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Tell us what?" Eames asked.

"I bought the bar."


	3. Ariadne

Hello again! I realize I haven't written in a really long time, but you know, with school and all that jazz, it's quite hard to find time to do anything besides study. Sorry about the length on this one. I kind of went crazy and jumped into fluffland. A side effect from not writing anything in a few months, I guess _

Anyways, here's Ariadne's story. Again, I don't own Inception. But it'd be insane if I did.

* * *

Ariadne is an unpredictable drunk.

She is sometimes a quiet drunk and sometimes has random bursts of boldness and spontaneity. Ariadne is the one who sits quietly in her seat, sipping a beer. But, she is also the one who will get up on the table and start dancing. Like her dream settings, Ariadne is forever changing.

* * *

She didn't exactly know why they were celebrating. The job hadn't gone as they planned and their follies were almost revealed in the middle of the job. However, they did get the job done and it had taken them a considerable amount of time to plan everything out and go through with it, and for that, Ariadne guessed it made sense they were going out for drinks. She and the team sat at a round table, the boys slumped in their seats while Ariadne sat tall, with a straight back in hers. They were all tired, obviously, but it amused Ariadne to see the looks her co-workers gave her- the ones that quizzically wondered if she was just playing or if she was seriously going to sit up straight all night despite a hard day's work. In actuality though, Ariadne was sloppy. At home, she always sat in whichever position was most comfortable, not caring how hideous her posture was.

They sipped their drinks in silence, zoning everything out, simply enjoying their drinks and the feeling of having company with them. She was only on her first, but Ariadne could already feel herself slipping. Her eyelids were beginning to feel a bit heavy as her cheeks flared a vibrant pink and a goofy grin spread across her face. She looked around at her co workers and then at the table, noticing how delightfully round it was. She looked back up at the team again and then spoke:

"You know what this reminds me of?"

Everyone's eyes snapped up to meet hers. Usually, when they went for drinks after a job, they simply drank and went home. No talking, no laughing, simply drinking.

"What is it, love?" Eames asked, he could tell she was drunk.

"That French folk song. Les Chevaliers de la Table Ronde," she giggled.

"What?" Eames asked, squinting his eyes in confusion.

"The Knights of the Round Table," Arthur explained as he grabbed Ariadne's cup.

"What's she got? Cause I'll take 5 of whatever it is," Yusuf whispered, leaning towards Arthur.

"Yusuf, you get 3 drinks and that's it. Remember what happened when on the Fischer job?" Cobb reminded him. Yusuf frowned and silently slunk back into his seat.

Arthur sniffed Ariadne's drink and took a sip. Everyone watched as his face contorted and he spat the drink out.

"Someone gave her straight vodka! That's why she so drunk!" he explained.

"How the fuck did that even happen!" Cobb cried.

"Uh. You guys… Where's Ariadne gone?" Eames asked, noticing the empty seat beside him. Suddenly, all eyes were on the empty seat that, just moments ago, belonged to their very drunk architect.

"Shit," Arthur cursed under his breath.

A moment later, Arthur caught a glimpse of Ariadne's paisley scarf in the corner of his eye. He turned to find her standing on the stage of the bar… with a microphone in her hand.

"You guys…" he muttered, patting Cobb on the shoulder.

"Holy crap, what's she doing up there?" Cobb blurted.

"Why can't I ever get that drunk…" Yusuf muttered to himself, solemnly.

People began to look towards Ariadne; after all, it was quite hard not to miss her. The bartender announced that they would be starting karaoke for the night. Starting with Ariadne. There was scattered applause and then the music began. Ariadne sang along to an Aerosmith song, dancing and head banging to the music, gaining her lots of catcalling and attention.

"This is so embarrassing to watch…" Arthur groaned, hiding his face behind his hand.

"Well… She's actually… not bad…" Eames noticed, laughing.

Finally, after what seemed to be ages for Arthur, Ariadne's song was finished and Eames and Arthur had to pull her offstage, seeing as she was drunk into oblivion.

"I'm going to confront the bartender now," Arthur growled, pulling Ariadne with him.

"Excuse me sir, but what did she order?" he asked the bartender, fuming.

"She had a simple martini..." the bartender explained with a confused look on his face.

"Bullshit. She had a gin and tonic. So tell me, why is this glass full of vodka?" Arthur asked.

"Ok ok, mademoiselle requested that I give her straight vodka. She didn't want you to know, apparently," the bartender explained with a shrug.

Arthur's eyes shot to Ariadne, who was leaning lazily against the bar. She blinked slowly and opened her mouth to speak.

"Arthur, you really need to loosen up. If you keep frowning like that, you'll have more wrinkles than my grandmother by the time you're 30," she slurred.

"Oui, the mademoiselle is right. You're truly a ah… what's the term… a stick in the mud," the bartender agreed. Arthur's nostrils flared as he put on his angry face and grabbed the bartender by his tie.

"I am not a stick in the mud!" he insisted and the bartender nodded rapidly. Ariadne laughed as she grabbed the bartender's fedora and placed it on Arthur's head.

"Arthur, leave the poor man be," she said, grabbing Arthur's arm and pulling him back to the table.

Arthur mumbled something as he reluctantly let go of the bartender and returned to his seat. He sat down and folded his arms across his chest, still frowning.

"I take it, it didn't go well?" Yusuf asked.

Arthur simply shot him a cold glare. Ariadne looked around at her coworkers and smirked.

"Wait here. I'll be back," she promised, getting up out of her seat and running to the bar.

She climbed over the bar and shooed away the bartender who was flabbergasted.

"The fuck is she doing?" Eames asked.

"I don't know and I don't care. As long as she doesn't start singing karaoke again…" Arthur muttered.

Ariadne returned to the table a few minutes later with a tray and various drinks placed neatly upon it. She put the tray of drinks down on the table in front of the team, who simply stared up at her.

"Well what are you waiting for? Grab a drink and go!" she chirped, placing her hands on her hips.

"Is this even safe…" Yusuf muttered, shyly reaching for a drink.

"Just drink it. Trust me," Ariadne smiled. The team reached slowly for a drink and equally as slowly drank it. Yusuf, naturally, was the first to say something about the drink.

"ARIADNE! THIS IS AMAZING!" he shouted, his eyes wide with pure ecstasy.

"Where did you learn to bartend?" Eames asked.

"I was a bartender for a while when I was a freshman in college," Ariadne shrugged.

Within the next 10 minutes, the team was plastered. They were dancing and singing on tables, and Ariadne was sure that she had kissed every guy in the bar. Maybe even a few girls.

In the wee hours of the morning, Ariadne and Arthur finally decided to go home. They left Eames, Cobb and Yusuf, still dancing away, as Arthur escorted Ariadne because he insisted that she would be mobbed. They arrived at Ariadne's apartment and they stood awkwardly outside.

"That… was more fun than I could have even imagined," Arthur admitted, placing a hand against the wall to keep his balance.

"I told you. You just need to loosen up," Ariadne said, leaning towards him.

They were silent for a moment as Ariadne began to move away from Arthur. But then, on a whim, Arthur grabbed Ariadne and pressed his lips against hers. Despite the colossal amount of alcohol she drank, Ariadne's kiss was sweet.

She fumbled with her keys in the lock. But when the door was finally open, Ariadne grabbed Arthur and ran inside. They started towards the bedroom, but ended up tripping over the couch in the living room. Ariadne giggled as she tenderly kissed Arthur. Her eyes widened suddenly and she pulled away from Arthur.

"Oh shit," she grumbled, covering her mouth and running to the bathroom.

From the living room, Arthur could hear Ariadne vomiting and decided to check up on her.

"Ariadne, are you alright?" he asked, but she continued coughing up bile.

"Do I fucking look alright?" she asked, almost incoherently.

Arthur sighed as he walked over and knelt by the toilet. He pulled Ariadne's hair from her face and thankfully, it wasn't covered in throw up. At least one thing hadn't gone completely wrong.

* * *

The next morning, Ariadne woke up in her bed. She rolled over and found a sleeping Arthur. His head was placed on his hands which rested on her bed. Ariadne realized that he had stayed by her side throughout the whole night. She smiled as she inched towards Arthur and patted his arm.

He blinked his eyes lazily and fell over, realizing that he had stayed overnight with Ariadne.

"What happened last night? After, well, you know…" Ariadne asked, referring to her vomiting.

"Well, you cleaned yourself up, which was quite amazing that you could actually, and then you sort of… Well you sort of passed out in the bathroom," Arthur explained.

"I guess that would explain the headache then…" she muttered, rubbing her head.

"Ah… No. That would be a hangover," he corrected.

"Then how'd I get in bed? And more importantly, why am I in my underwear…" Ariadne asked, looking under the covers and realizing she wasn't wearing any clothes.

"I uh, got you into bed and helped you get out of your clothes… I swear I didn't see anything. I closed my eyes. I swear," Arthur promised. They looked up at each other, both blushing and said nothing for a moment.

"I should get dressed…" Ariadne said, finally. Arthur nodded dumbly but didn't move.

"So… You should… You know. Get out…" she muttered.

"Oh. Right. Sorry…" Arthur realized, his face turning fiery red. He slipped out of the room and closed the door, thumping his fist to his forehead.

As she got dressed, Ariadne realized that she had several bruises scattered about her body. She had one on her shin when she bumped into the table at the bar, one on her forehead from when she hit her head on the toilet seat, and one on her knee from an event she couldn't recall. Ariadne paced around the room, trying to remember where it was from, when it hit her. It was from when she kneed the door to get it open while she was kissing Arthur.

"Holy fuck!" she screeched silently, covering her mouth.

Her face was bright pink as she threw open the door. Ariadne yelped, seeing Arthur outside. She didn't realize that he was still here.

"Oh, sorry. Should I have gone? Sorry, I'll go," Arthur apologized, heading for the door.

"No, wait. It's fine. Stay. I'll make you breakfast," Ariadne insisted, dragging him to the kitchen.

They ate in silence, looking up at each other awkwardly from time to time, and when they finished, Arthur straightened his tie and retrieved his jacket.

"What do you remember from last night besides me throwing up?" Ariadne asked him, opening the door.

"We were at the bar, you got drunk and then I got drunk and I escorted you home. That's it, isn't it?" Arthur lied.

"Arthur, you are the worst liar I have ever met," Ariadne said with a smirk.

"Ok, fine, I remember we kissed," he admitted, rolling his eyes. They stood at the door for another minute or so, staring at the ground awkwardly.

"It'll never happen again though," Ariadne said.

"Right. And the rest of the team will never know," Arthur confirmed.

"You should be on your way then," Ariadne said finally.

"Yeah," Arthur agreed as he slipped on his shoes and left.

Ariadne closed the door silently and slid to the ground, resting her forehead in her hands. What had she done? She played tonsil hockey with her co-worker. And with Arthur of all people! How was she supposed to face him after what happened? Ariadne was so lost in thought that she almost didn't hear the rigorous pounding at her door. She furrowed her brow in confusion as she slowly opened the door and poked her head out the door. To her surprise, Arthur was standing at her door once again.

"Arthur? Did you forget some-" she began but was cut off when Arthur pushed the door open and grabbed Ariadne.

"Arthur, what are you doing?" Ariadne asked, blushing profusely.

"I'm _not _a stick in the mud," he insisted.

"Wha-?" she began, but was cut off, again, when Arthur pressed his lips forcefully against hers. When they broke off from each other, Arthur let go of his grip around Ariadne's waist and Ariadne simply stared at the point man in awe.

"Well, I should get going…" Arthur said, finally, heading for the door.

"Uhh… No. You're not getting off that fast," Ariadne said with a smirk, grabbing his tie and pulled him away from the door.

She kicked the door closed with her foot as she gently kissed both sides of his jaw. She stood on her toes, kissing his forehead and pressed her forehead against his.

"What are we doing?" she asked with a sigh as she closed her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Arthur muttered, holding her petite frame against his body.

"This. We're co-workers, this is wrong," Ariadne whined.

"It's certainly wrong and it's certainly unprofessional, but I don't really give a fuck," he laughed, kissing the top of her head. Ariadne giggled, still clenching onto his tie. They stood there for a moment, until Arthur finally let go of Ariadne.

"I should really go. Cobb's gonna wonder what happened to me if he finds out I'm not home," he sighed.

"Yeah…" Ariadne agreed, clearing her throat.

She escorted him to the door and leaned against the door, smiling, the way a love drunk teenager did. She stood on her toes, kissing him tenderly.

"I'll see you around," Arthur said, smirking. Ariadne simply smiled, nodded and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Ariadne is an unpredictable drunk.

Sometimes she will sit quietly in the corner. Sometimes her drunken escapades will lead her to something unexpected.


End file.
